by Chad John-Mark
Guess what, girls. 2015 minus 1920 is 95. Do you know what that means? For almost a hundred years, men have allowed women to vote, every year.
Guess what else, girls. 2015 minus 1960 is 55. Do you know what that means (as if this time will be different)? For over fifty years, you have been sexually exploring, actualizing, learning, and whatever-ing your bodies. You know them by now.
The time is long overdue for women to cut out this “I haven’t finished yet” bullshit. We, men, know your manipulative game.
Based on my own experience, reaching orgasm is the easiest thing to do in the world. Sometimes, I do it unexpectedly, for seemingly no reason at all. Some* say this is a fatal condition, but it emphasizes a point—chicks finish during sex nowadays if they want to.
Dr. Probortion, a male physician and experienced divorcee from Orange County, provides proof of this position:
“You know how, when you’re working out and you’ve gotta squeeze in a few more reps, you think about how good it will feel, when you’re done and get to relax? God, I love the gym.”
The Quadrangle reached out to Dr. Linda Stallworth for a woman’s perspective on the story, but she would not return any of our calls, texts, or emails over the past three years. Whatever, she was a bitch, sources say.
At press time, you’re welcome.