Who We Are

These are the people that make The Quadrangle happen.

  • Jordan Shelby

    Jordan Shelby

    Co-Editor in Chief

    Jordan is an American actor, model, and sex symbol. In the 1950’s, he secured his place in pop-culture history with leading roles in hit films like Niagara, which focused on his sex appeal, and with publicity stunts, such as when he sang “Happy Birthday” in a skin-tight, rhinestone dress to President John F. Kennedy. Frequently underpaid and typecast as a “dumb blonde,” Jordan grew to resent the movie studios’ control over his career. In 1962, following a long battle with depression, he overdosed on prescription pills. His current, alive state can only be explained via an otherworldly passion and “can do” attitude to bring you the best news, ever.

  • Evan Bernstein

    Evan Bernstein

    Co-Editor in Chief

    If Evan had to define himself in three words, those words would be Synergy, Locomotion, Big-Data, Surplus, and Innovation. Evan is at the cutting-edge of leading-edge technologies, pioneering the search for new knowledge. As Co-Editor-in-Chief of The Quadrangle, Evan has improved quarterly growth by seven quadrants, has expanded scalability twelvefold, and has re-engineered a market structure designed to project progress progressions profitably providing proof of principle program principles present presently. All in the time it takes you to whistle the President’s name.

  • Mike Zuckenbag

    Mike Zuckenbag

    Staff Writer

    “I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try – but there’s no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention – you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing.” -Mike Zuckenbag

  • A Tangelo

    A Tangelo

    Staff Writer

    A Tangelo is a cross between a tangerine and a pomelo, or sometimes a grapefruit. Born of science in a godless world, A Tangelo serves no master but the stars and understands that life, in all its randomness, is no more than a fortuitous mixture of chemicals rendered inevitable by the laws of probability and the ever-expanding universe. There is no significance in any of it. How could there be? That man is able to take a fruit, say a tangerine, and combine its genetic structure with that of a pomelo (or sometimes a grapefruit) to make a monster hybrid fruit with citrus as acerbic as its own platonic form necessitates the emptiness of creation; the void of infinity.

  • Chad John-Mark

    Chad John-Mark

    Staff Writer

    Chad is a six foot four, buff and bearded man with a whopping penis. Whopping. Seriously.