Vigorous Masturbation Mistaken for Exercise by Fitbit, Wearer

Vigorous Masturbation Mistaken for Exercise by Fitbit, Wearer

Last Tuesday evening, University of Southern California student Aaron Muller and his Fitbit activity tracker mistook a wild, frenzied masturbation session for fifteen minutes of exercise.

First debuted in 2007, the Fitbit Tracker monitors physiological data like heart rate and step count. A wrist-worn device, Muller’s Fitbit mistakenly identified his frantic hand movements for actual exercise, as did Muller himself.

A Fitbit uses data-centric algorithms to guess its user’s activity. Thus, it is surprisingly common for the device, or its wearer, to misidentify a fevered, frenetic quarter-hour of masturbation as actual, healthful exercise. Mistakes like this are likely due to errors in artificial and actual intelligence, respectively.

Speaking with the condition of anonymity, Muller’s friends say the college junior frequently “exercises” for hours on end, several times in a row, and on a rigid schedule.

In fact, Muller has been known to “work out” with “exercise videos” that he finds online, playing them so loudly that his neighbors can hear. Muller’s friends told The Quadrangle that these videos “get him in the mood” to exercise, and “make him really hard” working.

The Quadrangle attempted to reach out to Muller for comment, but his dorm room was locked.