In a press conference last Thursday, Wayne LaPierre, vice president of the National Rifle Association, unveiled designs for a new kind of firearm that the organization hopes to bring to market later this year.
A prototype of the gun, designed to be completely bulletproof, was on display at the press event. “For too long, gun owners have lacked a firearm that can properly defend itself against other firearms,” said LaPierre to uproarious applause.
“We’ve done a lot to make sure that, when you’re firing a gun, you’re doing it safely. But what about the person being fired at? What about his gun?”
Although The Quadrangle was unable to find a single police report wherein a gun was the victim of a gun crime, Chicago gun owner Terry Wallace insisted the new product is a drastic improvement.
“When you’re looking to shoot someone, the last thing you want to be worrying about is ‘Gee, I hope he doesn’t shoot my gun,’” Wallace explained. “You know how much a gun costs? I can’t afford to be buying a new gun every time some [expletive] shoots mine. I’ve got a family! And they have guns to protect!”