Student-Athlete Forced to Pick

Student-Athlete Forced to Pick

On Saturday, Duke University student-athlete Jamie Miller had to pick one, sources close to the men’s lacrosse player report. Despite the college junior’s past success in balancing both academics and sports, recent failing grades and disappointing game time performances have forced the 20-year-old to choose one identity: student or athlete.

Friends of the former multitasker report that Miller, to avoid dropping out of school, resolved to focus on one area of expertise and hone it diligently. When asked which field—academics or athletics—Miller was leaning towards, his friends shrugged.

The Quadrangle interviewed Coach John Danowski, head of the Duke men’s lacrosse team, who said of Miller:

“He’s definitely not one of my A-string players. Or even B-string. It’s not that he’s bad or anything, we’ve just got a lot of more talented kids in the game these days. Supposedly he’s some kind of math-wiz, though.”

The Quadrangle also reached out to Miller’s former math professor, who told us the following:

“Jamie… well, he was never the sharpest kid in my class. That’s not to say he wasn’t smart, he just didn’t really have a firm grasp on the material. No, no, he was pretty clueless, actually. Great lacrosse player, though.”

The Quadrangle attempted to contact Miller, but sources in his dormitory informed us that he has locked himself in the bathroom with a helmet and a beret, to see which fits better.