“Our exhaustive efforts are a survey of American slang as it will exist for the coming decade,” said researchers from Fluidity Songwriting Consultants about their extensive report to singer Beyoncé Knowles this week, which details every possible way to reference a wet buttock.
“We found ‘em all: sauce bag, punkin, slick daddies, party tent, tommie boy, black box, tough mudder,” announced Ben Freider, Fluidity’s lead researcher, proudly watching as the hit singer scanned through the 15-page report. “Charleston Chew, black widow, fisherman’s wharf, moist grapes, round roast, damp ass, spinal trap…”
After flipping through the first 8 pages, Beyoncé smiled and laughed. When asked by the research team what was so funny, the multiple-Grammy winner giggled softly and said, “Drippy Dippy.”
At press time, the Fluidity ream was returning to their laboratory to begin researching how many different ways Pharrell could say that his heart felt good.