On Fire Girlfriend Insists Everything Fine, You Wouldn’t Understand

On Fire Girlfriend Insists Everything Fine, You Wouldn’t Understand

RALEIGH—Insisting that you just wouldn’t get it, on fire girlfriend Amy Travers said Wednesday that everything is fine, just let it go.

Despite being covered in fire, Travers maintained that there was no problem, and that you wouldn’t understand anyway. The 24-year-old engulfed-in-flames graduate student added, “I’m just tired.”

The burning woman proceeded to walk into her room, only to come out a few minutes later, still on fire, and pace around the living room. When asked if she’d like to talk about it, or maybe stop, drop, and roll, Travers refused to budge, saying, “Talk about what?”

When your actually-doused-in-hot-hot-fire girlfriend of three months was confronted with the concern that the fire was slowly spreading throughout her and her roommate’s apartment, she shrugged. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

At press time, the fire has spread to your mutual friend, Allison, who also won’t talk about it.