It’s 2016: Why is There No Law Against Murdering 1,200 People and Telling All Your Friends About It?

It’s 2016: Why is There No Law Against Murdering 1,200 People and Telling All Your Friends About It?

by Sam Taylor

Alright, folks. I’m usually not the type to make waves, but some stones can’t go unturned. I understand that progress takes time, and that no social system is perfect. That said, I cannot sit idly by as the nation I know and love slips into the deep abyss of anarchy. In these United States of America—one of the most socially and economically developed nations on the planet—there is no law against murdering 1,200 people and then telling all your friends about it.

You guys know me. You know that I don’t do this Op-Ed thing very often. I don’t like to rustle feathers. But right now, feathers need to be rustled.

So what’s the big deal? This is the big deal: Right now, in any state across the country, any one of us could mow down a cool dozen hundred men/women and children, go to a casual party a week later, mention it to our co-workers over themed cocktails, and IT WOULDN’T EVEN BE ILLEGAL.

Still not concerned? Well consider this: Right now, in any state across the country, any one that we know could violently slaughter between 1199 and 1201 human beings, go to a dinner party a week later, bring it up to their old college buddies over a few brewskies, and IT WOULDN’T EVEN BE ILLEGAL.

But if that isn’t enough to get your blood pumping, this sure will: At this very moment, in any state across the country, any college buddy could go to a dinner party, violently mow down 1200 coworkers over themed brewskies, go to a casual men/women party a week later, bring it up to their children, and IT WOULDN’T EVEN BE ILLEGAL.

You’re probably saying to yourself, “Sam! This is America in 2016! We know how to do Laws! Sure, I’ve never seen all the Laws! But they are all there because this is America in 2016! Stop rustling the waves!”

Well, unlike you blindfolded sheep, I took the liberty to call my state representative and personally ask her about the existence of the Law. Her response?

“Technically, you’re correct. There is no explicit Law against murdering exactly 1200 people and then telling your friends about it.”

-Barbara, the State Representative

There you have it folks. Democracy is broken. To make things even worse, I have it on good authority that the Laws don’t even mention all U.S. citizens by name. (That authority is Barbara, the State Representative.)

Brewskies,

Sam Taylor