On Sunday, scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced that they had created a humanoid automaton that has no desire for procreation. If confirmed by the scientific community, this invention would represent a major breakthrough in robotics, a field which has, to this point, only created robots who really want to fuck.
MOUNTAIN VIEW— On Wednesday, Facebook made its new “Reactions” available for users worldwide. The tiny emoticons provide an alternative to both the “Like” button that had dominated the site previously and the expression of complex thoughts through words.
MOUNTAIN VIEW— After months of speculation and rumor, Google unveiled its latest autonomous vehicle on Monday. Touting the invention as something “no other company would ever do,” the technology giant posted a video demonstrating the car’s new, controversial features.
According to The Quadrangle’s sources, area intern Ethan Baker, a rising sophomore at Brown University, is currently nodding his head in an affirmative manner despite understanding none of the information being presented to him.
“There’s just one,” said Oliver Watsford, an Australian biologist and scuba instructor, in a statement to the scientific community.
A groundbreaking study from Northwestern University is making headlines this week for purporting to demonstrate that sexual monogamy is unnatural for the human species.
Last Tuesday evening, University of Southern California student Aaron Muller and his Fitbit activity tracker mistook a wild, frenzied masturbation session for fifteen minutes of exercise.
In a press conference last Thursday, Wayne LaPierre, vice president of the National Rifle Association, unveiled designs for a new kind of firearm that the organization hopes to bring to market later this year.
BREAKING — A broken escalator has left 27 shoppers stranded on the bottom floor of a Miami Nordstrom. The upscale retailer has a policy that reserves their in-store elevator for the handicapped only.