Campus Police Break Up Party for Noise, Ignore Drugs and Alcohol

Campus Police Break Up Party for Noise, Ignore Drugs and Alcohol

Austin, TX— On Thursday night, campus police broke up a party hosted by a University of Texas at Austin fraternity for noise, of all things. According to official reports, neighbors called police at 12:35 a.m. to report that the party, which featured underage drinking and use of Schedule 1 narcotics, was too loud.

The Quadrangle spoke to Samuel Jacobson, a neighbor who called the police to report the loud music, and who lives with his wife Susan roughly half a mile from campus. “The bass was so loud it shook the entire house,” Jacobson said. “We couldn’t even sleep.”

Jacobson failed, however, to report the sound of at least twenty-three other crimes being committed during the two-hour event. Illicit actions, ranging from the sale of prescription drugs to the illegal downloading of music, occurred Thursday evening. About this debauchery, the police record states, “A party was shut down at 2807 Rio Grande Street once noise became an issue.”

The University of Texas at Austin Police Department released a detailed report, which contained the following description:

Arriving shortly before 1:00 in response to a noise complaint, Officer Reynolds spoke to a student at the house’s front door [completely overlooking the thirty-plus underage persons consuming various controlled substances] and asked the student to turn off the music. About a minute later, the music stopped, and the officers left the scene. The department considers this case—numbered 16,442—closed [despite the sale and consumption of illicit substances, several thefts, et cetera].

On their public Facebook page, Alpha Epsilon Pi apologized for their party. “Sorry about the dumbass cops, everyone! Our next rager will be twice as intense, for sure!”