Nodding Intern Completely Lost

According to The Quadrangle’s sources, area intern Ethan Baker, a rising sophomore at Brown University, is currently nodding his head in an affirmative manner despite understanding none of the information being presented to him.

“Fuck It, Let’s Just Go Home,” Say Refugees in France

PARIS— “In recent months, thousands of Syrian refugees have fled heinous acts of terror in the Middle East, and embarked on a life-altering and painful journey to seek safe haven in Europe so they can commit heinous acts of terror,” said Pierre Duval, a member of the National Front, an economically protectionist and socially conservative French political party.

22-Year-Old Alcoholic Admitted to Medical School

Four Universities—the University of California, Los Angeles, the University of Pennsylvania, the University of Washington, and Northwestern University—all accepted University of Arizona undergraduate and habitual drinker Mark Schiller into their graduate programs in medicine.