On Friday, 3-year-old Wyoming resident Kyle Toddingham was robbed of an important learning experience when he burnt himself on the open flame of his family’s stove.
According to The Quadrangle’s sources, area intern Ethan Baker, a rising sophomore at Brown University, is currently nodding his head in an affirmative manner despite understanding none of the information being presented to him.
“Our exhaustive efforts are a survey of American slang as it will exist for the coming decade,” said researchers from Fluidity Songwriting Consultants about their extensive report to singer Beyoncé Knowles this week, which details every possible way to reference a wet buttock.
PARIS— “In recent months, thousands of Syrian refugees have fled heinous acts of terror in the Middle East, and embarked on a life-altering and painful journey to seek safe haven in Europe so they can commit heinous acts of terror,” said Pierre Duval, a member of the National Front, an economically protectionist and socially conservative French political party.
PARIS— Following the worst violence to hit the nation since World War II, France has formally surrendered to the Islamic State.
“It’s pretty scary, heading into life alone,” the outgoing, personable white male with multiple employable skills and classic good looks confided in earnest.
Last Friday, The Midsummer Players put on a production of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet on the South Quad, which was, I think, an absurdist adaptation of the play.
Four Universities—the University of California, Los Angeles, the University of Pennsylvania, the University of Washington, and Northwestern University—all accepted University of Arizona undergraduate and habitual drinker Mark Schiller into their graduate programs in medicine.
“There’s just one,” said Oliver Watsford, an Australian biologist and scuba instructor, in a statement to the scientific community.
The Quadrangle received and confirmed a leaked list of celebrities who smoke Marijuana.